Cold shoulder

This past weekend the town of my birth held it's 51st Winter Carnival celebration. Each February, as a way to ease the burden of winter, a story about King Ullr, his Queen of the Snows, and the mountain-living Yetis who are trying to capture her, comes to life through a variety of events that culminate in the Grand Parade. And boy is it ever grand. I should say that I think it was grand but I couldn't really see it this year.  Why's that, you ask? Well, it would seem that I parked myself right behind the tallest man within a 4 block radius. 

Why did I do that? I don't really have an answer for that one. I guess somehow I thought that when I got up to him he wouldn't be as tall as he looked from the sidewalk. Turns out he was taller, and wider, than expected. And he ended up in just about every photo that I took.

Here's Paul Bunyan, his son . . . and my friend's left shoulder.

A photo of the ever popular Keystone Cops in their paddywagon hauling the juvenile delinquents to goodness knows where . . . and my friend's left shoulder.

Ah, the Montana Highlanders - who doesn't love a good bag pipe performance at the beginning of a parade? The only thing that could make it better would be the addition of my friend's left shoulder!

A blurry picture of absolutely nothing but that's okay because it contains my friend's left shoulder!

Lest you think the entire parade was a bust here's a picture I took of the members of my family who were in the parade . . . and the left side of some guy's face!

Next year I'm either leaving my camera at home or bringing a step stool.

Mountains and molehills

Because winter spans the better part of 5 months* in these parts, a person has to find something to do to keep themselves occupied or severe delirium** has a habit of setting in. Most people ski or snowboard and I'm somewhat embarrassed to say that as a person who was born here, I don't. Apparently though I'm not too embarrassed to go learn. Hmm. 

What I've done in winters past is snowshoe up the mountain once a week after work for a fair bit of cardio. The key words in that last sentence are 'winters past'. . . it's been a couple of winters since I last went but my friend Jenn and I decided that 2010 was going to be different. This was going to be the winter of fat-blasting workouts! Or at least sitting in a restaurant on the mountain with a great cheeseburger. Whatever. 

It took us a week to psyche ourselves up but up we finally went and it was great. And hard. And lung-searing painful but overall good. I'm pretty sure I lost a quad on the way down but I have no complaints.***

We've gone a couple of times now and we've got a goal to go further and further each week until we reach the summit and perhaps walk all of the way to Canada. **** And when we do, this will be my victory pose. 5*

(Why don't they have these things running on Wednesday nights? It'd be whole lot easier to get to the summit.)

*3 months on either side of winter is reserved for spring and fall with the remaining month set aside for tourist season.

**Sometimes it sets in regardless.

***Well, I did have complaints but they were mostly coming out of my mouth on the way up the mountain.

****That's a ridiculous exaggeration. I don't know if we'll ever make the summit.

5*Let's not worry ourselves about the many different shades of black I'm wearing in this photo.

Because it's obvious

I'm sure we've all experienced this* . . .  those people who, for reasons unknown, just don't like you from the moment you meet and you know it. You feel it. It's almost palpable. They are bristly and hard and being as nice, polite, friendly, etc. as you can gets you nowhere with them. The girl at the health food store that I frequent for a morning smoothie is like this and I think I've got it figured out. It's because I choose the plastic bag. Most definitely a health food store faux pas.**

*PLEASE tell me I'm not alone in this!

**But then why is it even a choice?!

Taking orders for portraits

After what ended up being one of the more stressful weeks I'd had in a long time . . . like since last week . . . I found myself with some very quiet downtime tonight. Not one to waste a moment* I decided I'd spend the evening in my studio being creative or at least using my gummy eraser as a stress reliever. Either way it was going to be a win-win situation.

I started out the evening with pencil and paper doodling away not sure of where I was headed. As it turns out, my pencil didn't know either so I wandered through a few pages of scratch paper and turned my attention to something else. That something else was a little kit I'd picked up a couple of years ago and much to my surprise, it was all still intact and useable. Talk about feeling like a kid! Or at least a kid with stellar eyesight who can read the really tiny blue numbers and doesn't mind mixing paint with a toothpick.

I found the canvas** that I started when I bought the kit and decided that it was high time I finish it . . .

. . . after all, the kit assured me that I had everything I needed to create a masterpiece. ***

The background was a little slow-going but that's only because I had 7 bristles to work with.**** Once that pink was done it was lightening-quick . . . 

. . . and I was left to admire my handy work. Well, mine and the factory overseas that drew out the picture and numbered it to tell me where to put the right colors. 

I have a feeling that Rembrandt would roll over in his grave if he knew.

*Who am I kidding?

**I use that term loosely as I think these are in the neighborhood of 4" x 6".

***I'll be calling Christie's first thing Monday morning to see about auctioning off this beauty.

****Is it just me or does it look like I've got extra fingers in that picture? 

Flurida

The winters in our little valley are a combination of gray and more gray with a little bit of gray thrown in so Craig and I decided to chase the sun and head south earlier this month. It also seemed like the perfect time to head to an ag convention* and wouldn't you know it, there was one in Orlando! You'd think with that kind of luck I would be buying lottery tickets, however my 'luck' was on short supply this trip and you'll see why. Here's a quick (if you're a fast reader) picture tour of our time 2700 miles from home.

Because we were going the 'carry-on-only' route for a 5 day trip I needed a little help squishing my clothes into the suitcase. Rose was happy to oblige. Not only did she succeed in making more than enough room for my things, I felt like I was at home when I looked down while at Disney World and realized that I was covered in Siamese hair. It's unfortunate that there wasn't enough room for a lint roller in that bag!

We flew out of Spokane early Wednesday morning so Tuesday afternoon was spent driving there. For me it was also spent not talking while the sore throat of doom descended upon me. I'm a strong believer of mind over matter when it comes to being sick** and I'm sure I've probably 'willed' myself better on many occasions, unfortunately this wasn't one of them.

I decided to get artsy and take our photo in the reflection of the window while we waited to board Wednesday morning. Craig decided to get all artsy with his bunny ears.

"Craig, can we please stop with the bunny ears?"

"Yes dear"

"Thank you"

The flights were good, the hotel was relatively easy to find, and I think we only missed paying one toll. The first order of business on Thursday was Ag Connect... the entire reason for the trip.

Here's Craig in one of his new dream tractors. I'm liking the ramming thingy on the front. I'm also thinking that the guy on the right should use the ladder instead of climbing up the side... he's gonna pull something if he's not careful.

Along with very large, and very expensive farm machinery, we also saw quite possibly the world's largest tire. The excitement of it all caused me to start losing my voice.

It took us about 3 hours to get through the show and by then we'd had enough of satellite map systems for your crops and potato pickers. It was time for theme parks!!

Universal was first on the list*** as it was just across the street from our hotel.

For future reference Thursdays at 3:00 in January are not one of the park's busier days. In fact, only three of the characters from Madagascar even showed up however the Unabomber did make an appearance.

As a result of it being so comfortably empty

we were able to find a great parking spot for the rental car****. Thank goodness since my health was rapidly deteriorating and I was now almost completely without a voice.

We meandered around the park and found a place to take in the sights on the porch at Jimmy Buffet's Margartitaville Restaurant. Along with the people watching I found time to have a couple of parrots sit on my shoulder. Bird fear? Who cares when you're on vacation!

Friday morning arrived and it was time to drive east towards the Kennedy Space Center. Mapquest wasn't kidding when it showed a straight, flat line. Sheesh. We arrived at the visitor center, picked out our tour level, and spent the time while waiting for our bus wandering around the attractions and deciding what to buy at the gift store. Shuttle Christmas ornaments or a space suit? NASA hat or moon rocks? Argh, so many decisions. 6*

Since Craig has dreams of going to the moon he decided to test out the launch simulation ride.

I chickened out and took my clogs off so that I wouldn't meet the minimum height requirement. 5*

He survived the 'launch' and then it was off on our guided bus tour. With a portion of honesty here, I wasn't sure how interesting the space center would be. Sure the idea of going to space has been interesting to me but it's never been INTERESTING to me. I'll just say that if you have the opportunity to visit I'd say go. I think by far it was one of the most enjoyable parts of the trip. I kind of felt like a kid on a school field trip sucking in all sorts of knowledge that I'm now able to regurgitate when people ask how my trip was. For instance,

DIDJAKNOW that the shuttle lands going approximately 220 miles/hour and that it takes 2 miles for it to stop? That's about twice as fast as your regular commercial airliner so just remember that next time you land and wonder if those flaps are really going to slow you down.

DIDJAKNOW that the runway for the shuttle is 300 yards wide and 3 miles long? Not much room for error when you know you need at least 2/3 of it to come to a stop.

DIDJAKNOW that the machine used to transport the shuttle from the assembly building to the launch pad (the crawler-transporter) weighs close to 6 million pounds? And that it has it's own road, the crawlerway, comprised of multiple layers of rock and crush that is 7 feet deep? And that it's max speed is 1 mph? That's a long trip when the launch site is miles away.

DIDJAKNOW that the American flag on the side of this building, which has an 8 acre footprint, is the world's largest painted American flag and that it's stars measure 6 feet from point to point, the blue is the size of a basketball court, and it's stripes are as wide as the tour bus that we rode in? The grey doors on the left side of the picture are 456 feet tall, making them the largest doors in the world!

DIDJAKNOW that the International Space Station travels at 5 miles per second? In the time it took to write this sentence it probably travelled about 100 miles. And then I misspelled something so I had to delete and rewrite and it's STILL going 5 miles per second? Crazy.

The amount of knowledge we ingested was great but I think it may have slightly overloaded my already taxed brain as this is the part of the trip where I spend the next 14 hours in bed wondering if I'm going to die in a Doubletree as a result of a high fever. Seriously. I would have taken a picture but I was just too weak and you don't come here to see pictures of me with a fever. I couldn't even call my mom for fear that I'd break down on the phone and ask if perhaps she could hop the next flight out of central Washington and come take care of me. Instead I laid there drifting in and out of sleep and watching way too many episodes of Swamp Loggers wondering when in the heck I was ever going to cool down.

As it turns out I was fully rested and cool by 9:00 the next morning when we left for Disney World.7* Apparently there were a few others who were rested and ready for a day at Disney too...I'd hate to see it during the peak season. 8*

Here's Walt and Mickey welcoming all the PEOPLE! to a day at the park.

Now you'd think that this part of the blog would go on and on (as if it's not long enough already) what with Disney World and all. There should be plenty to write about and scads of pictures to post however I was just coming off an energy-zapping fever and had finally called my mom who instructed me, after hearing my poor excuse for a voice...really no voice at all, to find an urgent care clinic as she feared the worst. Coupled with the close-to-suffocating crowds and the zero desire of waiting in line for rides we completed quite possibly the world's quickest tour of the Magic Kingdom. Our time from parking lot to parking lot was right around 2 hours... not quite getting the most, but getting enough, for our money (and goodness knows admission isn't free). We can say we've been there and that is plenty.

The rest of our time in Orlando (a short 14 hours) was spent repacking suitcases and wondering whether or not it was illegal to bring fruit and gator jerky out of the state.

I continued to nurse my illness all the while looking for my voice that had now been misplaced for 4 days. As it turns out, I wouldn't hear it for another 4-5 days and even now, a full week after returning, it tends to fade away at night. I've started to tell people who ask about it that I've taken up chain smoking. All I need to complete the look is discolored nails and yellow bangs.

Flu (9*) and all it was actually a great trip. Of course I would have rather felt 100% but I didn't and that's okay. It makes for a better story.

*When isn't it a perfect time for an ag convention right?!

**I LOATHE being sick (not that anyone likes it)...it's against everything I stand for. I distinctly remember my mom explaining to me that the reason mothers don't get sick is because "they just don't have the time"... I've clung to that ever since and I'm not even a mom!

***There were only 2 on our list so technically, it wasn't much of a list. Don't let my verbage fool you.

****We decided to forego the optional insurance since it seemed to be a bit of a beater anyway.

5*Not only did I have to take the clogs off but I had to measure myself while 'standing' on my knees.

6* We ended up with the shuttle Christmas ornament...it's a classic.

7* This is the part of the post when you suck in your breath and shake your head and wonder why in the world I ventured out to a theme park after the events of the previous 14 hours. I do the same thing.

8* One good clue that it wasn't the peak season was the gigantic crane working on Cinderella's Castle. The Magic Kingdom isn't quite as magical with the hum of heavy machinery.

9* I'm not totally sure I had the flu but given the symptoms that's what it felt like. It was either that or ebola.

I'll be turning off the neon

Dear post office, and more specifically my postal carrier,

My house is not a casino and my name is neither Lucky or Logger. I live miles away from said casino in a neighborhood that has no casinos and is, I'm assuming, not zoned for them. The lights you see on my porch are not neon, they are leftovers from Christmas. I'll turn them off if they confuse you. In the meantime, please quit delivering these returned pamphlets to me. While you're at it you can also stop delivering mail addressed to the former owners (who've been gone for 6 years) as well as Bob and Linda H. whom I don't think ever lived here.

Thank you,

A.

To the intended recipients of these letters,

It would appear that the keno machines are really paying out and you've just won some major prize! Congratulations.

A.

Dressing for the occasion

The extended forecast at home this week looks like this . . .

 

. . . that's why I'm heading to Orlando . . .

. . .  where I may even work on this* . . .

*My skin is significantly paler than when this picture was taken. I'd need a solid 4 weeks in Orlando to get it back to a nice bronze and even then there's no guarantee.